I spent so many years thinking if I really loved you or if I just had a special attachment that I mistook for love. I know you have your doubts with me saying I love you. For years, I had those doubts too. I had been into different relationships but then I always end up with having those regrets of choosing the life without you. I would often wonder if there was another you out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better. Then I asked myself, “Is it really important for me to establish love beyond doubt? Do I need to have million of reasons?”.
What is love?
We can say we love someone for their smile, their intelligence or even their dress sense. What we love about those things are how they make us feel, and to me, that’s not love — that’s the “feeling” of love which changes, dulls over time and eventually dissipates, to return again when the wind blows.
What if that aspect of what you love were permanently gone? What if a “loved” one suffered a stroke and become immobile and unable to smile, lose their intellect or even the ability to dress themselves?
Would you stop loving them?
What if they did something to make you mad?
To me, love is a decision. A conscious choice to love is the decision to be kind, compassionate, affectionate and understanding towards someone.
The decision to be joyful in bringing someone happiness. And the more you love them, the more you would be those things for them. So even if the things they were that made you feel love for them weren’t there, it’s your choice to love them that counts.
You can’t always feel the love, but you can always make the choice to act with love.
After reading those lines I realized why do I always look for satisfying answer, why do I always ask myself if I really love you. It could be as simple as noticing that in my deepest heart’s truth, I just do.
Love is a conscious decision.
And I am enthusiastically choosing you.
Every single day.